Growing Up Alone
Posted by Dr. Vollmer on July 20, 2015
Continuing on the topic of needing a “mother,” a person who is passionate and hopeful for your existence, I am thinking about those children out there, who for a variety of reasons lack that passionate advocate. It is my feeling that for some children, that passionate advocate is the key person who takes a hedonistic child and turns him into a productive and giving human being. Without that advocate, the child becoming an adult could be lost in a drifting world, where there is little future planning, and life is very self-centered, mostly as a means to survival. In other words, some children lack the imagination to see themselves as a powerful force who can bring change into the world, and with a passionate push, that child gets the confidence to grow, both personally and professionally. This is the tale as old as time. A supportive mother, friend, and/or wife, gives the child, friend, and/or husband the push to apply for a new job, move to a new city, or take on more responsibility, and in so doing confidence grows. Without the push, stagnation sets in.
Vince, fifty-four, comes to mind. He grew up with a mom who was always “busy” doing “charity things” and a father who was never home, and who years later confessed to having a girlfriend and another family. Vince was not good at school, but he managed to go through college, but dropped out when school got too hard for him. At thirty-five, Vince marries Cory, a thirty-year old female, who openly says she is “desperate to have a family.” Cory encourages Vince to start a business in commercial real estate. Vince is scared, but Cory is a strong advocate that Vince can handle it, so with Cory’s encouragement, Vince starts and eventually grows a very successful business. What if Vince never met Cory? I would wonder if Vince would have remained a drifter. Vince is grateful to Cory, but he has a difficult time admitting it, because it makes him feel “small”. With time, though, Vince develops the courage to tell Cory how much he appreciates her push, and how now he is living a life he never dreamed he could. Vince opened himself to Cory’s ideas because he loved her, and he wanted to make her happy. Cory was able to push Vince because she saw potential in him that he did not see in himself. This is an example of how change happens, and sad lives become happy ones. Is it the “love cure”? Yes, the “love cure” with a “push”.