Posted by Dr. Vollmer on February 13, 2014
“Slow confessions,” I say. Marni says “you should make that the title of your book.” Shocked by her comment, I did not think that this notion was so profound, and yet, in that moment, it hit Marni in a way which meant something to her. She was describing the beginning of her romantic relationship by noting that she and her boyfriend were carefully disclosing their past. Slow confessions seemed like an obvious way for me to acknowledge that I was listening to her, and yet, she heard it in a way in which she reflected that part of deepening a relationship is saying things with greater and greater amounts of shame, as the trust deepens. Psychotherapy too, is also a process of slow confessions, in that as the relationship moves forward, more tender moments, more shameful moments, are both experienced and remembered. Surviving these ‘slow confessions’ creates tremendous relief that the warts, in some magical way, do not destroy the trust, even though the deep fear is that the exposure will be a game changer. The more we wrestle with our past, the more we can be honest about who we are, the more we can connect with others who have done the same. And so why do we argue about the value of psychotherapy? Maybe my book, “Slow Confessions” can put that issue to rest. It is a thought.