Art Of Listening
Posted by Dr. Vollmer on August 14, 2013
“How is your marriage?” I ask. “We are getting new floors,” Nomi responds. “Am I supposed to make a connection?” I ask. “Well, we have been fighting about upgrading our house, and so now we are finally taking some action.” Nomi answers. “Yes, but does this tell me about your marriage?” I repeat, thinking that Nomi has reduced her marriage into winning a battle about floor coverings. “Well, I guess I am trying to say that my husband does compromise, but it takes a long time,” she says. “By compromise, you mean that you got your way?” I say, highlighting that she was pushing to spend money on home improvements and he was resistant. She laughs with acknowledgment. “I can understand that your marriage brings up such complicated feelings that you were searching for a way to capture the landscape and so you landed on your victory over the floors.” I say, helping her to see that her answer speaks to how unresolved she is about her feelings towards her mate.