Shirah Vollmer MD

The Musings of Dr. Vollmer

Girls Need Girlfriends

Posted by Dr. Vollmer on September 28, 2011

 Samantha, twenty-one, explains her forays into dating. Five guys seem “really interesting” to her, she tells me. ” What about girlfriends?” I ask, wondering why her social life only involves boys. “Well, I don’t see that as so important right now. I am enjoying the attention from men.” Samantha says, as if the sexual tension is the most exciting part of a relationship, ignoring the intimacy that girlfriends can provide. “I understand the excitement of that sexual tension, but what about the continuity that platonic relationships can have.” I say, implying that as these boys settle into relationships then they will probably will not be paying too much attention to her. “I have never really had girlfriends.” Samantha says in a way which makes me feel sad for her. ” I know that your interaction with the world has always been through creating sexual tension, even when you were small.” I say, reminding her that she used to talk about how she felt that her relationships with both of her parents were sexually charged, even at a young age. “Yes, that is true. Maybe that is why I have never seen the value of girlfriends,” Samantha says in an intellectualized way, without much feeling about that. “I am really excited to have all these guys in my life,” she repeats in somewhat of a defensive way. “I am happy for you too,” I say, trying to say that she can have both male and female relationships, if she begins to value both forms of connections. For Samantha, relationships without sexual tension are foreign territory. Maybe she will begin to migrate away from her comfort zone. We will see.

2 Responses to “Girls Need Girlfriends”

  1. Shelly said

    What does it mean, “…she used to talk about how she felt that her relationships with both of her parents were sexually charged…?” Perhaps because of my religious values, I never really had a very active social life involving alot of dating. But I sure had the benefit of my girlfriends! One in particular, who has been my dearest friend since we were in the second grade and is so even until today, 40 years later. Even though we are both married with children and live on different continents, there is nothing I wouldn’t do for my friend, and I hope she knows how much I cherish her. I tell her things that I don’t tell my husband, my family, or my twin sister. So yes, I firmly believe in the intimacy of the relationship of girlfriends. Too bad Samantha doesn’t know what I mean.

  2. Samantha meant that she felt erotic vibes from both her parents. From her point of view, they had sexual fanatasies towards her, but of course, this is just speculation based on how Samantha feels about her world. Parents can have erotic feelings towards their children, and sometimes children can detect this experience. These erotic feelings can get in the way of understanding the pleasure in a platonic relationship. Samantha might begin to learn this as she emerges into adulthood. We will see. Thanks for your comments.

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