Shirah Vollmer MD

The Musings of Dr. Vollmer

Archive for February 11th, 2011

The Blues

Posted by Dr. Vollmer on February 11, 2011

Jesse has the “blues,” as she calls it. She is thinking about her mother; her mother who passed away two years ago from pancreatic cancer. “I just can’t believe she is not here,” Jesse says with wonder and overwhelming sadness. “You really miss her,” I say, thinking that some deaths create a lot more sadness than others. “Yea, my dad passed away a year ago, but I hardly think of him. My mom I think about everyday. I just want to call her and tell her what I am up to.” Jesse says as she starts to cry. “No one understood me like my mom did. Sure, she was not perfect. She was really judgmental and intense, but she was a really good listener and I miss that,” Jesse says as she continues to cry. “I know that you and I have a relationship and I know you feel that I listen, but of course, it is not the same as the daily contact you had with your mom.” I say, reminding her that she does have other people in her life who can listen to her, but at the same time, I want to acknowledge that her mom’s passing has created a hole in her psyche. “Missing is a really hard feeling, because you feel so helpless and because even though other people might try to be there for you, no one can replace your mom.” I say, reminding her that I can see why she is so sad and how I understand that; maybe I can help a bit, but the hole is still there and I appreciate that too. “Maybe sharing the feeling of missing can help” I say to Jesse, trying to connect with her even though her sadness is pulling her inwards. “I don’t know,” she says, “I just want this feeling to go away.” “Yea, me too,” I say, both because I feel that way and because I want to offer, what seems to me, to be a needed echo.

Posted in Death and Dying, Musings | 2 Comments »

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