Reposting: In Honor of Margaret Thatcher’s Passing: “The Iron Lady”- Feminism and Love-Together At Last

‘Iron Lady’ is a remarkable film, layered with so much of life’s challenges and disappointments. Meryl Streep did an Oscar worthy performance as a remarkable female leader in a man’s world, supported by the love affair with her husband, with the background music from ‘The King and I’. What is remarkable about this film is that a life unfolds in a messy way. There is the young Margaret Thatcher. There is the powerful and confident Margaret Thatcher. There is the smitten Margaret Thatcher. And sadly, there is the elderly, deteriorating Margaret Thatcher. The richness of seeing these various stages of life makes this a movie that I imagine only appeals to a more mature audience in that one has to appreciate what it is like to look back on so many chapters of one’s life, with both clarity and haze. There is also the wonderful thread of a woman succeeding in a man’s world, with conviction and confidence which seems almost magically based. It is not clear from the film how she was able to be so tenacious. What I loved most about the film was watching a woman trailblaze British government, while at the same time maintaining a deeply meaningful relationship with her husband. So often, movies depict lives in which one chooses one or the other: ambition or love. The title “The Iron Lady” does not speak to a woman capable of caring for another, but that is the delight of the movie-indeed the delight in life. The idea that Margaret Thatcher hit that delicate balance between work and home, gave me great admiration for her. The movie also depicts her sunset years, which are both terrifying and rich with memories. Those scenes are hard to take, yet they give us perspective on the arc of life. Ms. Thatcher, ‘The Iron Lady,’ has had quite the arc.  The music from “The King and I” pointed to the great irony, that she was the “King” and yet, she loved the dance. “The Admirable Lady” might be a better name for this movie.

‘Argo’

Believing lies so much that your life depends on it, combined with powers of persuasion can be life-saving. So goes the tale of this wonderfully done movie, based on a true story, where a fake movie becomes the lifeboat for six American hostages. This, along with the compassionate Canadian government, leads to a feel-good story, told in the midst of bestial hatred for American. What is so gripping about this movie is that the absurd becomes real. At first, the notion that one could create a fake movie which peacefully takes out six American hostages, seems implausible, or as they say in the movie “the least bad idea”. As the plot unfolds, the investment in the idea builds to a fever pitch, where the audience, along with the cast, feels like this just has to work. This dramatic arc works so well, since it gives us hope that creative thinking, “out of the box,” as they say, sometimes, just sometimes, is a remarkable capacity. There was no good algorithm for how to get these hostages to safety, so they had to invent one. I am left to thinking that is so undervalued in our society, where automation is pushed so vehemently. I am deeply in favor of using technology to eliminate human error, but at the same time, we need to find a way to preserve our ability to create new ideas, where the old ideas simply fail. This movie gave me hope. Thank you, Ben Affleck.

“The Sessions”

“The Sessions” is a movie worth seeing, perhaps at home, with friends on a cool winter night. It is a “feel-good, feel-bad” movie, with good actors, but not good acting. As a Psychiatrist, it brings me back to the days where sex therapy was an acceptable intervention in which therapists helped their patients with their intimacy issues, by being intimate with them. Today, of course, we would consider this a boundary violation, but at the time, the field accepted this practice as a helpful tool for some patients. As a person, the movie brought me to a place of compassion for those with disabilities, reminding me, yet again, how we able-bodied folks take so much for granted. The story is a true one; a story I have followed over the years, as the details grab me. Mark O’Brien, a healthy child until age six when he was stricken by polio. This meant that his brain was fully functioning, but his body was paralyzed and he depended, mostly, on an iron lung. He went to college at UC Berkeley, followed by Journalism school there as well. I get emotional thinking about his struggles, and yet, the movie did not tug there. The movie tugged at his sexual frustrations, no doubt a large part of his mental existence. The movie, missed, from my perspective, a more comprehensive understanding of his relationship with his body. Sure, we felt his frustrations, his utter dependency on a machine which required electricity, and his keen sense of understanding his situation. However, we did not, to my satisfaction, probe into how he discovered joy and satisfaction in the midst of overwhelming helplessness. Most striking, was the lack of interaction with any biological relatives. No relatives ever came to visit. He was not just portrayed as alone in his body, but alone in the outer universe as well. This part disturbed me. It is hard for me to imagine that no family member was checking in on him, but maybe that was the case. My hunch is that some family members served as a lifeline to his emotional being. Surely, the church did that, and so that part of the movie, with the wonderful Willam H Macy, was delightful. Is this a comedy? I wondered. No, I would say not. I was not amused, nor made sad. My emotions stayed flat, but I enjoyed the story. Home theatre seemed more appropriate, given the linear nature of the experience.

 

See also…http://www.nytimes.com/1999/07/11/us/mark-o-brien-49-journalist-and-poet-in-iron-lung-is-dead.html

‘First Position’ Is In First Position

Following six kids, 9-19, as they prepare for the Youth America Grand Prix, one of the most prestigious ballet competitions in the world, is moving, touching and fascinating. This is a documentary that has no surprises, except to say that how are some children so focused, so talented and so inspired to become professional ballet dancers. This question looms over the movie, as we watch boys and girls prepare unbelievable physical feats, with grace and poise which is so beyond their years. Then, they compete in what appears to be the Olympics for ballet dancers, except that for the older kids, it also means a literal ticket into a prestigious dance company. This payoff is life-changing in a way that reminds us that hard work, along with unwavering determination, along with good genetics, can, sometimes, maybe rarely, change one’s life, allowing one to live their dream. The odds are stacked against each individual, and each one knows that, but they still put themselves out there, with a hope and a prayer, that they just might be the one chosen for stardom. The kids and their families create awe in the audience. Parents may want this for their kids, but with ballet, there is no way that they can force their child to maintain that level of skill and focus. Of course, unconsciously, parents can demand their kids shine, and kids, with some genetic talent, can feel the pressure to succeed from their parents, but this movie gave compelling evidence that for these six children, their determination was mostly internal, as opposed to external. Again, with more understanding of these family dynamics, that analysis could change, but on the surface of things, it seemed like each one of these children wanted to succeed for their own sense of purpose in this world, and not for the sense of purpose driven by an external force. It was feeling this genuine desire to shine, at such young and tender years,  which made the movie so interesting,  The music and the dancing were nice too.

‘Bully’: Such An Important Movie

‘Bully’ makes us aware that “boys will be boys” is a lazy excuse for allowing psychological and physical torture to occur at school. The movie also reminds us that the “victim” is not just the child who is isolated and picked on, but their family who feel helpless and inadequate to cope with the issues. As one father who lost his son to suicide, presumably secondary to bullying, says “I am nobody. I love my wife, and I loved my son, but I am nobody.” That sentiment, perhaps because it was expressed by a father and not a mother, was so moving, because he conveyed how helpless he felt, thereby suggesting how helpless his son felt. How do some people feel like “somebodies” and others feel like “nobodies,” I began to wonder. Does the social dynamics of elementary, middle and high school, set down the identity of nobodies versus somebodies? The film made me think.

The administrators in this film were portrayed as shockingly insensitive, perhaps as the result of their defensiveness. They were confronted with kids who felt victimized by bullies, and hence by the school system who did not protect them. Predictably, the administrators gave the first shot at parental responsibility-an old trick. In the movie, this was so obviously a cheap shot. The parents cannot control what happens at school. They can help their child defend themselves, but that presumes that the child conveys to the parent what is going on, and as one very insightful mother said in this movie, it is humiliating for a child to confess to what they perceive to be a strong parent, that they are the target of human cruelty. Then, the administrators tried to deal with it on a case by case basis, and not as a systemwide problem. That also, came across as lame. The problem is not that one child is being bullied, the problem is the lack of adult supervision in hallways, school buses and recess yards. More staff, along with a more highly trained personnel, would help, but the cost implications seem to be the clear barrier to intervention. I surmise.

To see a movie where you see the parents who have not only had the unspeakable tragedy of losing their child, but they have had this tragedy as a result of suicide, is to see massive suffering and sadness. One might think that to see this kind of suffering would make this movie unbearable. I thought that. Surprisingly, the movie pointed our attention towards the children, who were so neglected at school that I actually felt positive that when we expose the playground, we can make an argument for highly trained people to monitor these kids so that when they grow up they learn to be respectful and kind human beings. I am reminded of a time when a young child was learning to ice skate and he accidentally hit me. His skating teacher told him ”you go apologize to that nice lady,” and so he did. Such simple interventions, I feel, are going to create a respectful society. Watching the movie drove that point home. If the bus driver, as one articulate mom said, could pull over and talk to those kids and set out her expectations for a respectful and cooperative bus ride, then most of those kids would behave nicely. The problem, as this movie so clearly shows, is that no one is paying attention and if they are paying attention, no one is talking to the kids in a meaningful and kind way. Most kids listen to adults. In this film, the adults either were not intervening or they would say things which revealed their lack of understanding of the dynamics on that playground. Psychological sophistication could have made a huge difference in those kids’ lives. Knowing that, I felt hope.

 

 

See also…http://movies.nytimes.com/2012/03/30/movies/bully-a-documentary-by-lee-hirsch.html?ref=movies

Fathers Always Want Their Sons To Do Well: Not

“Footnote” describes the dynamics between fathers and sons, where the idealized version of a father who wants to see his son flourish is dismissed quickly. From the first scene, we see the bitterness and resentment that the father has for his successful son. On the one hand, why should this come as a surprise? As a species we tend to feel better when we perceive ourselves as “ahead” and we feel worse when we think we are “less than”. On the other hand, there is a notion that our children are extensions of us, and hence their accomplishment is a reflection on us, hence parents would be proud of the success in their children. Both are true and both are at play, in some measure,  all of the time.

This movie depicts the former scenario in which father and son are rivalrous, perhaps for the love of the wife/mother, as Freud might say. What was charming about this flawed movie was that it felt so real. The accomplishments of the son led to bitterness in the father which led the son to feel bad about himself. No one was happy. As long as they needed to please each other, there would be no joy or fulfillment. Their connection prohibited them from seeing outside of themselves, and hence they were stuck in a very negative place. There was no happy ending.

I would like to think that therapy would have helped all of them. Actually, I feel pretty sure that psychotherapy for any of the pained family members would have helped them separate and see themselves as worthwhile human beings independent of the disappointment experienced by the other. Without psychotherapy, this family seemed stuck in a pattern in which negativity kept spreading wider and wider. It was a depressing movie, representing a depressing family. As expected, the third generation was also afflicted with this disease of disappointment. Like a malignancy, without intervention, it kept spreading. In an odd way, the movie endorsed my profession. For that, I recommend it.

‘Big Miracle:’ Yep!

” Big Miracle” is a movie you go to in order to feel good, even though it does not sugar coat the ulterior motives of seemingly altruistic behavior. Drew Barrymore did not give her best performance, as it was hard to be sympathetic to her as a person, but her representation of Greenpeace was touching in her determination and perseverance. She did deliver the most moving lines in the movie. When asked why do we care, she responded by reminding us that these large and overwhelming creatures are also incredibly vulnerable. This theme, that even those who seem omnipotent can need the compassion of others. The movie illustrates this  flip-flop from overpowering to needy in a touching way,  without being overly sentimental.

The movie takes place in the late 1980s, a time I should remember current events, yet, I have no memory for this chapter. Maybe I was less concerned with the external world, or maybe the publicity was small, but either way, it is moving to watch a world-wide rescue that happened about twenty years ago, in my lifetime. In light of that, “Big Miracle” illustrates the power of the media, which is now forever changed with social connectivity. In those days, where the cameras were focused, determined what we could pay attention to throughout the world. Now, everyone with a cell phone has a camera which can inform us of atrocities and sympathetic causes immediately. As such, this “Big Miracle” may not have happened, when this story of rescuing whales would be competing with millions of other causes. Now, it is more complicated to figure out how to focus our attention, since the big media companies are playing a smaller role.  It is interesting to think about, as the “Big Miracle” shows us how a remote town, with three trapped whales, caught the attention of powerful governments. That the whales were rescued was less notable than the fact that  they got help from people who could help them. That was the ‘Big Miracle’.

Marina Abramovic: Artist or Psychotherapist?

Marina Abramovic, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marina_Abramovi%C4%87 a sixty-four year old performing artist, sat for three months at the Museum of Modern Art in an exhibit she called “The Artist is Present” which has been made into an independent film of the same title http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2073029/ . People lined up for hours to sit in her presence, without words. Some cried. Some felt love. Others were confused. I think she simulated the first psychotherapy session. The expectations of the individual “customer” were met with the physical appearance along with her nonverbal communication. This situation brought up surprising emotions for both Marina and the consumer. Since she worked in an art museum, her work is called performance art. Had she had an office in a building, her work would be called psychotherapy. This overlap between art and psychotherapy intrigues me. It is only the setting which changes the frame. Psychotherapy is often a creative process and art is frequently therapeutic.  Yet, no one thinks of Marina like a therapist, and no one calls me an artist. Yet, maybe the beauty of her work is that she has hit the outer edge of both processes. When her movie hits the local theatres, let me know what you think.

‘Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy’

   Maybe this review will involve some spoilers, so reader beware.

  What is wonderful about this hard to follow movie is that although the center theme focuses on a chess game of strategy, the underlying theme focuses on the power of relationships. Relationships don’t just create meaning in life, they can also alter cognitive functioning. The way one thinks can be changed by who one engages with, and the feelings that arise in those relationships can change a strategy game, rather dramatically. For that, the movie is worth seeing. Otherwise, it is a mediocre story of deception, layered on deception. There is no honor among thieves. We all know that, yet we suspend believe; we don’t want to know that, but at the same time, we know that. This never-ending question of who can be trusted reminds us painfully, that all too many times, the answer is absolutely no one. Betrayals are inevitable, be they large or small. Coping with those betrayals, and choosing people who only give us little betrayals seems the key to life’s success. Two point five hours, well spent, mostly.

‘Young Adult:’ 2/3rd Interesting-1/3rd Flop

    What happens when the most envied teenager grows up and moves on to the “big city” they call “Minnie Apple” (Minneapolis)? The movie begins with an excellent portrayal of a thirty-something, single woman. who struggles with finding meaning in her life. She has a dog, which serves as the portable love object, which she hardly seems to be passionate about. In fact, passion is what she searches, without the internal tools to know what she is looking for. Alcohol serves as her co-lead, and in that relationship, the movie tells a story of hardship and pain despite beauty and talent. As the search for meaning begins, the movie creates a sense of compassion for Mavis, despite the fact that people like Mavis often bring up feelings of envy and inferiority. The layers of meaning in life are challenged, as the mundane aspects of small town life are contrasted with the “excitement” of the big city. At the same time, there is a struggle against emptiness which Mavis fights with, making the more traditional life begin to seem more appealing. Mavis also has issues with her parents, which the movie only hints at, but we are left to believe that she was undernourished. 

  With all of this, the movie had potential, but somehow in the last twenty minutes, it felt to me that the writers were under a deadline and so they had to finish it quickly, without the time for depth of thought or, perhaps, a few more re-writes.  That’s too bad, since this “coming of middle-age” movie is a wonderful genre. It is exciting to see longitudinal outcomes of imaginary characters. We secretly, or maybe not so secretly want, those who we envied in high school, to go through hard times, but then we want them to rise again. Like all idealized objects, we wish and fear for them to fall, so that we may feel better and worse about ourselves at the same time. We feel better, given our insecurities of youth, such that we thrive on the defeat of others whom we perceive to “have it all.” Yet, when these envied people do fall, we feel guilty for wishing that upon them, so then we hope they rise from the ashes. “Young Adult” demonstrated this trajectory so well. It is unfortunate that the  path descended so rapidly.