Sherry, fifty-three, says “if I am gone for three sessions, I think you will forget about me.” Stunned, I look at her. “I know we have worked together for seven years and I know that I have never missed an appointment, but I still think that if I did not come, you would no longer think about me.” “You really feel that our attachment is that slippery,” I say, amazed on the one hand, but aware that her primary attachments to her early caretakers were unstable and this is a likely explanation for how she feels about our relationship. “Yes, I do,” she responds with a seriousness and a sadness which makes me feel for her. I think about what it must be like to feel that our relationship could evaporate almost instantaneously. I am aware that the world must feel so scary if all attachments seem so fragile. Suddenly, I think of her anxiety in a new way. I see that she is unable to create a safety network of relationships because she has no faith in their stability. Her introverted nature, and her poor treatment of her friendships now begins to make sense to me. One has to have a belief that friendships, that connections, are vital to well-being, in order to preserve and nurture relationships. Our work together gives her hope that maybe, just maybe, I will give her a foundation in which to believe that relationships can be stable, fulfilling and growth-promoting. Sometimes Sherry believes this and sometimes she does not. The wave of trust floats in and out of our relationship-right now, but hopefully not forever.
