The baby growing up in a household who is unwanted and ignored is traumatized by lack of attention and responsiveness. Nomi, twenty-five, was born to a teenage mom, who was too ashamed to get an abortion, or so that is what Nomi has come to believe. Nomi was raised by her mom and her grandmother, both of whom, by Nomi’s report, treated her like a burden which they would have rather not had. Nomi clarifies that she was well fed, and all of her medical and dental needs were attended to. Money was not a problem as the grandmother was well-off and she was generous with her money. The problem, as Nomi has come to believe through our work together, is that neither her mother or her grandmother, was excited about her accomplishments-big or little. She went to Ivy League college, and then on to a prestigious law school. She does not remember hearing a “congratulations.” “Gosh, it sounds like you feel that you were very alone in the world, and I wonder if at some level that makes you very angry and scared to engage with other people on a deep level.” I say, highlighting the notion that trauma can be interpersonal, and as with all trauma, the downstream effect is one of constriction and numbness. “I don’t see myself as having rage, but maybe I do,” Nomi reflects. “Mostly, I see myself as lacking confidence,” she continues. “Well, that may also be a downstream result of not having someone who mirrors your developmental progress.” I say, pointing out that lack of mirroring has a multitude of unpleasant and undesirable outcomes, which often include a lack of self-assuredness and rage. ” I don’t know that I will ever get there,” Nomi says in despair. “The fact that we can talk about it is a large step towards metabolizing your rage and developing a greater sense of your own potential.” I say, trying to help her see that being in psychotherapy, particularly in-depth psychotherapy, takes courage to confront very challenging feelings and experiences. ” I still feel despair,” Nomi insists. “I can understand that your feelings of despair alternate with your feelings of hope in our process.” I say, stating that despair is a part of her experience, but our work together, our persistence in trying to understand her emotional interior, also gives her hope that she can learn to feel better about herself. Trauma can be interpersonal. Trauma, all kinds, can also heal.
