Loving Your Abuser
Posted by Dr. Vollmer on July 28, 2010
Joshua, sixty-seven, http://shirahvollmermd.wordpress.com/2010/07/08/the-oncoming-train/, never married, loves his brother Jeremy has been abusive to him his entire life; most recently Jeremy is trying to steal money from him. Theresa, age fifty-one, never married, says that she feels closest to her mother, even though her mother both verbally and sexually abused her. Anxious attachment is the phrase that comes to mind. The connection creates dependency, yet at the same time, it produces overwhelming anxiety since the criticism from the one who used to be a caretaker persists. The anxious dependency makes it hard to form other attachments since there is a feeling that other relationships would threaten this abusive relationship. Since the threat of losing this abusive relationship is frightening, even though both Joshua and Theresa are adults, both Joshua and Theresa cannot form intimate adult relationships. The tragedy is palpable. The intervention would be painful. Neither Joshua or Theresa are interested in letting go of their abuser. Therein lies the sorrow.